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“Give credit where credit is due” is a timeless sentiment people live by. However, when you’re with someone 24/7, and gestures become natural and habitual, this quickly gets overlooked.
Partners who feel loved don’t always feel appreciated. Although they can always be reminded of it through “I love yous,” they can still feel unseen and unappreciated, like they aren’t enough. They know the role they play in their partners’ lives but question whether they’re doing well.
There is a difference between these two concepts—a thin line separating the feeling people get.
However, despite their difference, love and appreciation need to be balanced. After all, a relationship thrives when partners feel seen, heard, loved, and valued. Intimacy alone isn’t enough to supply these. Instead, couples are advised to foster gratitude in relationships to meet their needs.
The Value of Expressing Gratitude in Relationships
Picture this: You’re 10 years deep into the relationship. At this point, you’re already well-accustomed to each other. Like a puzzle, your lives meld perfectly together. Routines have been set, and everything has fallen perfectly in place. Your partner cooks these delicious dishes for you while you clean after them. However, despite the equal division of chores, they come up to you expressing how they’re feeling unappreciated.
You do your fair share of work, so what’s making them distressed?
Author John A. Gehrisch might just have the answer you’re looking for.
In his book The Golf Pro Has Heart, the author explicitly mentions how he has always looked up to his parents. They serve as his guide to improving relationships. But he took this much further and began studying couples like them to try to find their secret to having a fulfilling relationship, being happy, still in love, and being best friends for over 50 years. What ensured the connection didn’t only last but also remain as passionate as it had been since it started?
To his amazement, he discovered these couples had 18 common traits. And if there’s one thing he’s learned from these couples to achieve this kind of love, it’s by practicing gratitude in relationships.
His parents and all the couples always gave credit to each other. Imagine spending half a century together and constantly doing things for one another. Everything would’ve already felt normative like they’re standard and expected from each other. But these couples didn’t see them as such.
To them, these gestures aren’t all about numbers. Instead, they appreciate and acknowledge what the other does for them. 50 years of cooking for each other still makes them happy. 50 years and they still want to care for each other because they know their gestures aren’t dismissed.
This is the power of gratitude in relationships.
Why Is Gratitude Important in Relationships?
Now is the right time to consider how often you say “thank you,” give a tight hug, or shower your partner with kisses the moment they do something for you.
When they complain that their chores are too much, maybe it’s time to consider how you repay their efforts and not count how much you’ve also contributed.
Sure, maybe you’ve said your “Thank you’s.” But does this make them feel appreciated as your partner, or is it starting to make them feel like they’re only serving you?
There are a lot of things to consider when it comes to showing gratitude in relationships. It isn’t just about verbally thanking them and acknowledging what they do. Instead, it’s about giving back the same energy they give. Remember, chores aren’t only acts of physical service. Your partner does these because they want to.
Because they love you, they exert effort into pleasing you.
Service providers do these as well, and you repay them by paying their effort and verbally acknowledging how satisfactory their help is. Is this how you want your partner to feel?
Repay Love With Love
Gratitude in relationships doesn’t only revolve around verbally praising your partner. It’s showing that the love they give is also rewarded with love. So, the next time your partner cleans the house while you’re out, don’t shy away from bringing them a little gift in return. Acknowledge how tired they may be and genuinely reward their hard work.
Gratitude in relationships makes partners feel seen. While they do these gestures willfully, without thinking of anything in return, they will be highly grateful if their efforts are appreciated.
Maintain the Attraction by Cultivating a Fresh Perspective
It’s all about maintaining the same energy since the beginning of the relationship.
In essence, people fall in love with you and your efforts in the relationship. Everything is novel and appreciated earlier on. The smallest gesture would send fireworks in your stomach in the first few years, but this feeling dies down as more years pass.
This is why they say being used to your partner kills the passion.
While familiarity should make you fonder of each other, this shouldn’t make you feel complacent enough to miss seeing what your partner does. Like John’s parents, continue expressing gratitude for what your partner does, no matter how trivial these may seem. No matter how regularly they’ve done it, every gesture should still be seen through a positive and admirable lens.
Gratitude in relationships strengthens connections. Hence, the next time your partner does something, give credit where credit is due.
If you’re interested in reading more of what he has learned from studying couples married for 50 fruitful years, grab a copy of his book The Golf Pro Has Heart! Read it over coffee and understand what you need to create meaningful and lasting relationships.